A Happy Day at Arkham
by Trick Steven
Summary: Did you ever wonder about what goes on in Arkham Asylum? Featuring everybody's favorite Batman villains!
1. Chapter 1: Riddler

A happy day at Arkham

By Trick Steven

Chapter 1: Riddler

Edward Nigma woke up from his puzzle-riddled slumber and groggily glanced out the window of his cell. It was still dark outside of his barred window, but he was almost sure it was early morning, by the calculations he made. He knew it was best to continue sleeping as there was nothing else to do at this early hour. Edward then pulled up his thin sterile-white blankets to his shoulders and closed his eyes in an attempt to get some shut-eye before the orderlies come to announce breakfast. Try as he might though, the king of puzzles could not go to sleep. After an hour of tossing and turning he got up and walked to his depleted bookshelf, which was standing next to the door of the bathroom. It was hard to see in the dark but Edward managed to make out the right crossword booklet that he wanted. It was surrounded by other booklets of its kind. There was also a thick book of riddles, a suduko booklet, and a rubix cube. Edward's goal, (Other then figure out a way to escape.) was to finish one booklet a day.

Since it was already morning, he thought, '_Why not get a head start on it?' _

He grabbed the booklet, but then hesitated when his hand was near the light switch. One of the big rules at Arkham was to never turn on the lights after 10 pm or before 6 am, since it "disturbed" the other patients. Some of the doctors were quick to punish at even minor infractions of the rules.

_'To hell_ _with it,'_ thought Edward, who was eager to start the crossword puzzle.

He flicked on the light switch and the cell was enveloped in a warm glow. Edward picked up a freshly sharpened pencil from a mug on his dresser and sat on his bed. He turned the title page of the booklet until he was at the first page of the crossword puzzle. It read:

Across

A dangerous bird from northern Australia.

Edward squinted his eyes in concentration as he tried to figure out the answer. Although he was a genius, he wasn't particularly knowledgeable when it came to animals.

'_It's a pity the Penguin is housed up at Stonegate penitentiary.' _Thought Edward.

'_He probably would know the answer to this one.' _

The only clues were the one that was given to him and that it was a nine lettered word. He racked up his brain to try to figure out the answer. It couldn't be an emu or cockatoo…then quite suddenly the answer came to him.

"Of course!" he exclaimed aloud. "The answer is a cassow-"

A loud tap made Edward lose his train of thought. He looked up angrily, upset that some one broke his concentration. Of course, to no great surprise, it was an orderly who smiled mockingly sweet at Edward through the glass walled cell.

"Couldn't go to sleep?" asked the orderly, who leered in a threatening manner.

Edwardmustered up his most polite tone of voice and answered, "Could you go away?"

He then added as an extra precaution, "Please."

"Now, now," Began the orderly, waggling his meaty finger at Edward like if he was a misbehaving child. "You broke a rule. I'm willing to let it slide, but you still need to go to sleep."

The orderly then took out a syringe from the pockets of his white uniform. Edward turned pale but then composed himself and glared at the orderly.

"I will not be given sedatives." Said Edward in an angry tone of voice.

He absolutely loathed sedatives. They made his mind work at a sloth's pace, even hours after he woke up. Not only that but they also gave him a tremendous headache.

"That's not for you to decide is it?" smirked the orderly triumphantly as he got out the keys for Edward's cell.


	2. Chapter 2: Scarecrow

Chapter 2: Scarecrow 

The city of Gotham was burning. Children were crying out for their mothers, beautiful women were tearing out their hair in fear, and the citizens of the doomed city were screaming out a single name: The Scarecrow. And there he was, dressed in his usual rag and straw attire, sitting on a throne in the middle of the ruined Gotham University.

He was cackling madly, grinning a deranged grin as he cried over the yells of anguish and torment, "I am the Scarecrow! Fear me for I am the master of fear!"

A yell of protest was heard and the dream was shattered. Jonathan Crane woke up, sat up from his cot, and yawned loudly.

"I have to admit, that was one of the best dreams I've had in months!" exclaimed Jonathan cheerfully.

He then checked his pocket watch that was placed on his drawer beside his bed. It had the grim reaper as the time teller and was ticking quietly. The short arm of the reaper was pointed at the four and the scythe was pointed at the six. Out of curiosity, Jonathan got up and went to the front of his cell to see whose cry woke him up from his wonderful dream. Much to his delight he saw that the source of the sound was Edward Nigma, who was currently being held down by a muscular orderly. Another orderly, a fat one, was holding a needle in one hand and securing Nigma's arm in the other. Edward was yelling loudly in protest, which was sure to wake up everybody in the entire cell block. In Jonathan's opinion, Nigma was getting what he so justly deserves. He always bragged about how smart he was and how he could beat anyone in anything. Jonathan was amazed that Edward's head could even fit through the doorway, judging by how big his ego was. Jonathan couldn't help but smile in glee when Nigma pleading began to sound almost hysterical.

"No please! I can't think when you put those damn sedatives in me! You don't understand, I have to finish the puzzle!" yelled out Edward when the needle came closer.

His yells were cut off when he was injected with the sedative. Edward opened his mouth to protest some more, but the sedatives worked faster then his tongue and he closed his eyes and collapsed in a heap on the floor. The orderlies picked him up and dumped him on his bed. They went out of the cell, locked it, and went on their merry ways. Jonathan, who thoroughly enjoyed that episode, decided to go to sleep. He didn't want to repeat Edward's mistake. He took note that he should remind Edward of this unsavory episode later on. Jonathan laid down on his bed and soon drifted off to sleep with a crooked smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3: Mad Hatter

Chapter 3: Mad Hatter

It had been approximately one hour and thirty minutes since the incident at Edward's cell and almost everyone in the cell block was upset of having their sleep disturbed by his yelling. Luckily for Edward, Jervis Tetch wasn't one of the rogues to have a grudge against him for his outburst. Jervis knew how unkind the orderlies could be and he sympathized with Edward, having some incidences of his own. For right now though, he felt less rebellious and more depressed. It was probably because Arkham Asylum was the polar opposite of Wonderland. Dark, cold, cheerless… those words were but a few of the pessimistic adjectives that described the asylum. Not even the bright rays of sunshine could make its walls less melancholy. Jervis looked up at the ceiling of his cell and sighed sadly.

"It's not a frabjous day at all." Said Jervis out loud to himself. It was hard to think of plotting a plan of revenge on Batman or thinking about how he could make Gotham his own private Wonderland when everywhere he looked seemed to bring back his past failures in life. The whole fiasco with his secretary Alice, the failed worry-men plot, and even the plan where he tried to give that son of a Jabberwocky his own Wonderland seemed to haunt him. But now of course, he had no time to either sulk or scheme because it was time for breakfast. Jervis turned to his side on his cot and saw outside of the glass wall of his cell a line of white coated orderlies. He heard the jingling of keys as the orderlies opened the cells one at a time and announced to the occupants that it was time for breakfast. Jervis saw the Joker stroll out leisurely from his cell and make an insulting joke to an orderly. The orderly just ignored the clown and pushed him in front of the line of inmates. The Joker just laughed and he turned to whisper something to Arnold Wesker, who was standing nervously behind him. Whatever the Joker said to Arnold seemed to make him fearful, because his face turned very pale. Arnold's reaction made the Prince of Clowns laugh even louder then before. The line of inmates then marched to the cafeteria with the orderlies who occasionally prodded some people to go back in line.

Only a few patients were let out at a time, so Jervis had to wait until the orderlies came to fetch him for his morning meal. When they did, he got up and walked out of his cell. He ignored the threatening looks that some of the orderlies gave him and stood behind a broad shouldered man. The man was muttering under his breath about the lack of flammable material at the Asylum as Jervis's line trudged toward Arkham's cafeteria.

The cafeteria was crowded, since the line that Jervis was in was one of the last to arrive there. The orderlies herded the inmates to the food line where they could pick up whatever concoction the cooks brewed up for their breakfast. Jervis picked up a tray once he got to the food counter and slid it to the different food items that the cooks piled on to his plate. He repressed a shudder when he saw the oatmeal. It looked like grey sludge mixed with some unknown fruit that made it look like chunky vomit. Jervis tried not to think about how he was going to eat his food as he reached the end of the line. Once he was out of line, he searched for a familiar face in the crowd of grey jumpsuits. He found it curious that many of the normal patients in the Asylum avoided the costumed villains. It was like some bizarre parody of high school cliques, with the ordinary inmates on one side of the room and Batman's rogue gallery at the other. Jervis finally found the person that he was looking for and he walked over to the table where he was sitting.

"Good morning Jonathan." Greeted Jervis good-naturedly as he sat down across from Jonathan.

"Hello Jervis." Replied Jonathan and took a sip of coffee that was in his hand.

Jervis didn't consider Jonathan a friend per say, but more of an ally with some things in common. Both wanted Batman dead so they could finally get their goals met. They also both loved to play chess, although Jervis thought of himself as the superior player in that game. Lastly, Jonathan was the only one out of Batman's rougues that had actually read "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass". He knew what Jervis was talking about when he was quoting those books and sometimes he even joined in.

"So did you hear Edward last night?" asked Jonathan.

"Yes. It was quite dreadful in my opinion." Commented Jervis.

"I thought it was delightful." Said Jonathan, smiling. "He got what was coming to him."

Jervis just shrugged in response and poked his oatmeal with a plastic fork.

Jonathan studied Jervis's face and asked, "You seem sad. What's bothering you Jervis?"

Jervis paused for a moment to get his thoughts together and said, "Well it's just…it's this atmosphere that's been bothering me. This place is just so dreary and dull. It's not at all like Wonderland."

Jonathan nodded and then replied, "I understand completely. But it's one of those things that people have to deal with. We can't all live in a place of our choosing."

He then added, "But look on the bright side; I'm pretty sure that there's going to be a breakout soon. There hasn't been one in quite awhile."

"Really? How do you know?" questioned Jervis.

"I overheard Killer Croc talk about his escape plan to some of his friends. His plan wasn't very good; it involved throwing rocks at the guards, but at least that would provide a distraction while the rest of us escape." Explained Jonathan.

Jervis nodded, comforted by the possibility of a means to escape Arkham. It was at this time when a stumbling Edward Nigma was escorted by two orderlies to a nearby table. He looked exhausted and his normally well kept hair was a mess. The orderlies set him down at a table next to Jervis and Jonathan's and quickly left.

Jonathan smiled wickedly and asked Edward, "So how are you feeling today?"

Edward glared at Jonathan and replied, "Shut up."

"Well that's not very nice. I guess you're not up for a riddle are you? Hmm… well I'll tell you one that hopefully isn't too hard for you. How's a raven like a writing desk?" Jonathan asked.

Edward paused, possibly thinking of some snide comeback to Jonathan's question.

Unfortunately, he couldn't really think at the moment so he instead said, "You know Jonathan, I wouldn't be so smug if I were you. All you could do last week was recite nursery rhymes."

Edward then muttered to himself, "And they call _me_ crazy."

Jonathan crossed his lanky arms and replied angrily, "I was having a mental breakdown. It was due t-"

He was cut off by Edward saying with disbelief, "Sure, a mental breakdown. Do you suffer mental breakdowns whenever you're fighting with Batman? Because you seem to lose quite often."

"Excuse me?! Do you think you're in this asylum because you chose to be here? You lose as often as I do!" shouted Jonathan.

"I got away once. That's more then what you did." Edward shot back.

Jervis, meanwhile was oblivious to the two villain's bickering. Their arguing did remind him vaguely of Tweedledee and Tweedledum but he had something else on his mind. He was wondering if the oatmeal would look more appetizing if it had a hat on it. Hats always made things look better in his opinion. Of course, if it was a tart he wouldn't think twice of eating it. Well maybe he would if it were the Queen of Heart's tarts…

"What's going on here?" asked an orderly, who's body shape suggested that he did bodybuilding during the weekends.

"Nothing!" said Edward and Jonathan in unison and then glared at each other for saying it at the same time.

The orderly gave the two a stern look and walked off. Edward then turned to Jonathan and asked with a smirk on his face, "So what witty comeback do you have for me? I didn't really catch it."

"Nigma, you're lucky I don't have my fear toxin with me." Hissed back Jonathan threateningly.

Edward just chuckled at Jonathan's threat and waved it off.

Jervis took a pause from his thoughts and said to Jonathan, "You look upset. You know I've invented a new stress-reliving microchip, I could lend it to you if you like."

"No thanks Jervis." Stated Jonathan flatly.

Jervis couldn't help but sigh in response. It seemed that no one wanted his help, even when he offered it sincerely. He carefully took out a microchip that he had stored in a pocket that he had sewed on to the sleeve of his jumpsuit. He had been tinkering with it for a bit so it would be able to take away the user's stress and depression. He was hoping to test it on some one first before he tried it on himself, but so far he hadn't had any luck.

'_Oh well.' _Thought Jervis to himself, '_It's their loss.'_


	4. Chapter 4: Calendar Girl

Chapter 4: Calendar Girl

'_Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?' _

'_My dear, I would say there are thousands of maids prettier then you. You are an eyesore, a monstrosity to look at. You have a face that only a mother could love; a mother who's blind in one eye and murky in the other. Trust me when I say that the world would be a much better place without you.'_

_

* * *

_Page hated that mirror. It was the mirror that made her realize how ugly she was. The mirror didn't care about the past; that she was once a beautiful model, that her name once graced every fashion magazine. No, all it did was mock her, bringing her back to her hellish reality. Page had tried to bring her dignity back by extracting her revenge on the ones who had stolen her fame, but Batman was quick to crush her goal. Now all she had left was her blank porcelain mask. 

'_Grieve for what you have lost. Cry that you had the misfortune of not being good enough for the masses,' _echoed the mirror in her head.

Page looked up at the mirror that hung above her bed and muttered weakly, "Quit it."

'_What ever for? You know that what I say is true. You're ugly and old. Nobody likes you. Frankly I'm surprised that you haven't tried to kill yourself yet.' _

Page started to cry because it _was_ true. If she wasn't ugly then why did her modeling agency fire her after she worked for them for so many years? Every agency after that said that she was too old to be a model and rejected her on the spot. However, she was also growing angry at the mirror. Even though it spoke the truth, she thought the only one that should be uttering putdowns is herself.

'_Can't handle a little criticism?', _mocked the mirror.

"Shut up," she hissed, growing more furious by the second.

'_Aw, do you feel hurt? I'm sorry that you were born hideous and deformed,' _said the mirror, its voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up!" yelled out Page as she got up, her whole body trembling with rage.

The mirror started to laugh at her. It grew louder and louder until she couldn't stand it anymore. Page threw a bed-knob at the mirror and a large crack formed on its reflective surface. She could still hear the laughter, so she grabbed it from the wall and threw it at the glass-walled portion of her cell.

Even then the vicious laughter didn't stop, so she walked over to it and began to punch it, ripping out the loose shards of glass as she screamed, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

After she tore out all the pieces of glass from the mirror frame and stomped them into tiny bits, she calmed down as she struggled to catch her breath after all her screaming.

She smiled at the silent remains of her enemy and said in a low whisper, "The only person that can insult me is me, you son of a bitch."

Page heard her cell door open and a tentative voice ask, "Ms. Monroe?..."

Page turned around and she saw a woman orderly holding a tray with a glass of water and some pills. She heard the orderly gasp and almost drop the tray that she was holding after looking at Page's bloodied knuckles and the glass on the floor. The orderly backed away from the cell and yelled out in panic, "Dr. Bartholomew!"

Page watched the frantic orderly calmly and thought to herself, _'Really I don't see why there's a need for panic. There's nothing wrong.'_

She looked back at the shards of glass and continued, _'No, nothing wrong at all.' _

* * *

_Author's Note: Yes, I know Calendar Girl is a minor villain, but she seemed like a good enough angst-filled character to write about. If you don't know who she is, go check out the episode, "Mean Seasons"._


	5. Chapter 5: Two Face

Chapter 5: Two-Face

It was now early afternoon and it was, surprisingly, a very sunny day outside of the Asylum. Many of the inmates enjoyed the rare rays of sunlight by sitting next to the escape-proof windows of their cells and staring wistfully out at the rolling hills that surrounded them. This pleased the orderlies, since the sun made the patients less cagy and easier to handle. However, when the orderlies were pacing along the cell-block that housed Batman's rogue gallery, they noticed that Harvey Dent's cell was only half-filled with light. The other half was obscured in shadows as a makeshift curtain was partially pulled over the window. Harvey was sitting on his bed, flipping his coin incessantly. Harvey's disfigured side of his face was in the light, wearing an expression of collected cool while his good side was hidden in the dark. He was waiting for the orderlies to open his cell and lead him to the recreation room as they have always done. Playing cards with his fellow rogues was the only thing in the entire day that he looked forward to. Harvey couldn't help but smile remembering the time that he beat Joker at poker a week ago. Joker had gotten so angry that he knocked the playing table over and threw a punch at him. Harvey was able to catch the punch in time and was able to twist Joker's arm behind his back before the orderlies pulled him away. Joker would probably make him pay later on, but it was satisfying to get back at the clown after weeks of him cheating every card game.

Harvey's cell door creaked open and a stony-faced orderly came in and announced, "Mr. Dent, you have a visitor."

Harvey immediately stopped flipping his coin and asked in his raspy voice, "Who is it?"

"I have no idea. I'm just here to escort you to the visitor's room," answered the orderly.

Harvey got up and walked toward the door. The orderly got out a pair of hand cuffs and put them on Harvey's wrists, adding, "Sorry, visiting regulations."

Harvey nodded in response. It used to be that hand-cuffs weren't necessary for all patients. That was before the elaborate escape plan that Edward had made about three weeks ago that involved a pretend father, bribery of the guards, and the use a chainsawUltimately it didn't work, but Arkham wasn't the kind of place that took an escape lightly.

He walked out of his cell and the orderly locked it behind him. Harvey was led down the hallway, its concrete floor squeaky clean after a resent washing.

As he walked through the seemingly endless corridors, his mind wandered to the identity of his visitor. Could it be one of his henchmen, bringing in some good news? Or maybe it was a rival crime boss, personally delivering a threat? He wasn't prepared however, to see who was waiting in the next room. As soon as the orderly opened the door to the visitor's room, Harvey's eyes traveled to the other side of the room and his eyes went wide with surprise.

"Grace?" he asked as he walked to a chair and sat down.

"Yes! Oh Harvey I've missed you so much!" gushed Harvey's former fiancé.

Harvey put his good hand on the glass barrier that separated him and Grace and said, "I… why are you here?"

"Harvey don't you remember?" asked Grace, sounding hurt. "It's our anniversary. It's the day you asked me to marry you."

A long period of silence filled the room. Harvey noticed that Grace held a banquet of roses in her left hand. She was still wearing the engagement ring he gave her last summer, a glittering diamond surrounded by a pool of gold. Her dark brown eyes looked at him expectantly and a part of him felt sympathetic. The pain she must feel… being separated from someone she loved. Harvey felt the same way the first time he was thrown in Arkham. After a couple of months he gave up of ever seeing her again, yet here she was sitting only a foot away, still willing to forgive him after what had happened. Sure Harvey was happy to see her, but the other half of him, the one called Two-Face thought that he was being an idiot. Two-Face thought that showing anything but anger was a sign of weakness. He was reminding Harvey in the back of his mind that he was stronger then he was, that someday he'll get rid of Harvey once and for all and won't hear any nauseating talk about how much Harvey loved Grace. But when Harvey looked into Grace's eyes, Two-Face's voice became just a whisper and he felt at peace. He knew however, as much as he wanted to be with Grace, that it wasn't possible. No matter how much medication he took or therapy sessions he went to, his dark half would not go away. Harvey didn't want to take the chance that Two-Face may come back to the surface and hurt Grace. He felt torn though, that it was either he kept Grace safe and lose his last chance of salvation or that he stayed with her, fearing for that fateful day that he would find her cold body lying on the floor. He felt tempted to flip for it, but he stopped himself before he reached for the quarter.

'_I'm not Two-Face. I am Harvey Dent, district attorney for the GPD,' _reminded Harvey to himself.

After a few agenizing minutes, he finally spoke to Grace.

"Grace I love you and I always will," Harvey began, "But I don't think it's worth continuing our relationship."

"But why?" asked Grace as her eyes began to tear up.

"It's because I don't want you to get hurt. I can't control Two-Face. Anytime he could just decide to appear and kill you."

"But I'll run that risk Harvey! I want to be with you," pleaded his ex-fiancé, the tears now running freely on her face.

Harvey hated to see her cry and he felt terrible that his words were the cause of them, but his gaze never fell from her face as he spoke.

"That's the problem, Grace, you won't only be with me. You'll be with him too. Is that what you want?"

"No, but Harvey…there has to be a way to get rid of him," reasoned Grace, grabbing a nearby box of tissue and dabbing her eyes with it.

"I've tried everything this hospital has to offer, but nothing works," replied Harvey solemnly.

He continued saying, "I want you to have a happy normal life and you can't have that with me in the picture. I'm sorry and I know this hurts now, but you'll thank me later on. And… I just want to say thanks. Thanks for letting me have a chance at love."

He then added softly, "I'll never stop loving you Grace."

Grace was no longer crying as if she now realized the finality of their situation. With Harvey's word still echoing in her heart she whispered, "And I'll always love you Harvey."

Harvey then got up and without turning back he walked toward the Asylum with the orderly in tow. Along with the chinking chains of his handcuffs, another sound was heard by Harvey. It was the victorious laughter of Two-Face, knowing that at last, he had won the war.


End file.
